Am I just nuts?

$277.65.

That was the size of the check I wrote this week. There is a huge part of me that just can't believe I wrote a check that large and gave it away, based only on the promise of a different life in return. That part of me screams "What are you thinking???" and "You must NOT be thinking!" and "That's it - I'm in charge!". I filled out the check Friday night, put it in my wallet and didn't even look at it when I dropped it in the bag. I kind of forgot about it until a short time ago. Now, I must be crazy to do something like this.

There is another part of me that is filled with pride. I made a promise, and by golly, I am right on with it. It feels great to hold your word so true. It helps, too, that you all are reading this and will call me on it if I blow a week off. :)

And the last part of me? That part feels safe and content. We'll make it until the next pay date. I don't have the money for "that", because I really don't need "that". The time I take to make dinner, or do a chore around the house to save a few dollars here and there will be time spent that can show Kath how important she is to me, and how important the children are to me. It's not that they aren't - not in any means. It's just that actions always speak louder than words. And I look pretty hot in Kath's pink frilly apron anyway. It's sort of the converse of a wife always looking better in her husband's oxford shirt.

Anyhow. So I am slowing learning that I can do this. Money will not rule me. Now I need to learn how to be prepared and plan my spending.

Oh...and I learned that what is said in men's small group STAYS in men's small group, and is not repeated in your couple's small group, especially when the leader of that couple's small group is your campus pastor and they are looking for a family willing to talk about the struggling with titheing, especially when that member of his couple's small group is always apt to say "yes".



What was I thinking.....