The Tithe Strikes Back

Did you see the next series at CCC? It's titled "OMG", and if you receive Dave's email about upcoming messages, you may notice week 2 (July 26/27) is named "Why Give?". Coolness.

Oh wait - I meant: Oh crud. Quick Jeff, turn off your cell phone before you get a tex......

Too late.

Should be another great weekend. Personally, I am hyped about week 1 ("Why Sing?"). Ya know that sound you hear when you put a badger in a blender with a box of rocks, three 7oz. Coke bottles, a bag of marbles (containing 6 cat's eye, 2 mica, 2 onion skin, a pink purie, an aggie and a couple steelies), the brake pedal from a '68 Corvair, and seventeen 12 penny nails? Well, Carnige Hall choose that blender over me to sing the part of Schaunard in their 2009 performance of La bohème.

I so pity you that sits in front of me that weekend.

Do not pass "GO". Do not collect $200.

Sure enough, "Blue Like Jazz" has a chapter about finances and tithing. And I am officially calling Don Miller a thief, as it's obvious he stole my thoughts, feelings and fears with money and put them into his book.

Right there on page 196, about 2/3s down, is the plagiarism:

"I think it would be easier to trust God if I had extra money to trust Him with."

I can't say how true that is in my mind. I feel we are just one major catastrophe away from ...er... catastrophe. Geez - I think even a minor bump in the road could mess us up really bad. How many times I have wished for just a few extra bucks to survive? If I had a nickel for every time I have said or thought "just five thousand dollars would solve so much", I would HAVE that five thousand dollars to solve so much.

I am still not 100% on letting go and trusting, but I hope and pray to be there. Oh, and Don - you can expect law enforcement at your house at any moment.

#%$@*& YOU, &^%@#*?{@!!!

I hate Community Christian Church. I hate my wife. I hate my kids. I hate John & Amy Ciesniewski. I hate Chris Brown. I hate Justin Forsythe. And even though I don't know you personally, I probably would hate you too. Now, before you grab your mental tomatoes (btw - I hate tomatoes), give me a chance to explain, you will see where I am headed with this.

Got a few more chapters into "Blue Like Jazz" (I really hate that book) and came to chapter 12 - Church [How I go without getting angry]. Kind of ironic I should read this chapter and hate just about everyone, but it happened. See, this chapter talks about finding a church that is right for you, whom I now hate. As we like to joke (when I am not busy hating), I am a recovering Catholic. I can tell you that I will continue using that joke, as it brings out a good chuckle, but I will say it without my usual undertones of dislike for the Catholic church. Years ago, during a tough time in our lives, we felt very shunned by the church we attended, as if we were diseased with out struggles. For a body that believed in God, we didn't felt that sense of "let us help", but more a "wow - you guys are pretty messed" and were handed off to others to discuss our problems. That really put in our minds that we just weren't happy there and needed a new place. We searched (As many of you probably have), and after a few, found CCC. And we have been quite happy since. We view God and Jesus in such a different way, and we do try to move more from a believing life to a relational life with God.

So - why my new found hatred of so many? Well, that cursed book said I shouldn't hold a grudge against any other church. God loves all his churches. God's other houses just weren't right for me. For someone else, that house is perfect. See - it's that part of me that hates everything. That part hates because that part knows that CCC, my wife, John, Amy, Chris and you.....are right. That part is the part of me that still struggles with Jesus's love and compassion. That part thinks on a human level. And that part just doesn't want to surrender. That part needs to be surgically removed.

Ya know - this was supposed to be a journey about discovering and learning how to honor God with my finances so my bank account doesn't dictate my life. This path is becoming so much more.

I hate it. :)


If you are still upset over that part hating you, here's a reason to hate me: I am a very liberal White Sox fan. And no, God.....I will NOT stop hating the Cubs.

Music of the soul

I attend two small groups. Ok - I FAITHFULLY attend one (Thursday night with my wife - and the leader is my pastor, so I'll get some grief if I don't show), and I also have a Saturday night morning men's group that I try to get to, but it's tough. See - I get up during the week at 5am to leave by 6 for work, and I usually am up 6am on Sundays for church, so I would like one day a week to "sleep in" (yeah - like 'til 7:30am!).

Anywho, in men's group we have just been tracking along with the Big Idea guides. Chatting with Nate (leader) a couple weeks back, he mentioned that he received "Blue Like Jazz" from his wife and we will be diving into that when summer ends. The family was in Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago, so I thought I'd grab the book and start reading - a little head start. We love that store (and Borders, Office Max and Office Depot. Don't ask...). I picked it up the other day to start reading.

Wow.

This book is just amazing. I realized that just 3 chapters into it. It's written from such a personal point of view, and talks in such an everyman sort of way. If you have not read it, I can't recommend it more. Through the first half of the book, I keep thinking "yeah, that's me" and "yup - been there" and other phrases of personal agreement. I do hope the rest of the book holds me and reaches me like the first chapters have. Right now, I give mad props to chapter 7 (Grace). Don goes into his struggles with the notion of grace. Hey - who doesn't. The concept that you get something for nothing is confusing enough. Now factor in natural guilt and then get a gift based on the guilt? That is too much to handle for Don's mind, and my own. Think of a time someone came to you and gave you something out of the blue (no book pun intended). You have a thought that you now owe them back and they tell you "No - no strings attached". You have this complete feeling of confusion and stammer for words. You attempt to offer some compensation for what you've received, only to be politely refused. Then you inevitably ask "are you sure?", sure the giver is either waiting for the right form of reciprocation, or they are just nuts.

That's the gift of grace. God, in His amazing being, gives us grace because He loves us so. We owe nothing except our love and praise to Him in return.

Part of me still thinks He's nuts.

On the tith....er....seventh-ing level: Kath and I are still honoring. We need to catch up on a little debt to God ("little debt to God" - I crack myself up), but are tracking okay. This is the tough time, and I knew it would be. Kath works in a school, but she is contract, so she only earns when she works, and does not have her pay stretched over 12 months like a school teacher would. We are surviving on just my paycheck. And by surviving, I mean not surviving. Time to really hunker down to pull through these lean months. I really need a new job - closer to home and more pay.

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Now playing: "Dialogue (parts 1 & 2)" by Chicago
via FoxyTunes

Confession #2

Before I get into the subject matter of this post, let me update you on the 5/7th-ing. We did get back on track this past weekend. Now, I am still in debt to God (talk about your understatements!), but it felt good to get back in line with our promise. More honoring a-coming this weekend. Then it gets tough - I'll address that in another post soon.

Oh - and sorry if I don't blog enough. I tend to do this at work, and we have been plain swamped. My total lack of organization skills doesn't help the situation, too. So if you have some organization skills to impart, I am all ears.

Ok - on to the guts of this. If you don't know, I have my original blog entitled Stupidity At Lightspeed. About what it sounds like - pretty dumb random thoughts and pathetic attempts at humor. Check it out if you like. Anyhow - I was mowing the lawn last night thinking of blog subjects when my mind ventured back onto the uproar about some racial pins and the Obama sockpuppet. Well, as I mulling that over in my mind, something very disturbing came to my mind -many years ago, I supported Bernie Epton. For those that may not recognize the name. Bernie ran for mayor of Chicago in the early 80's. As a Republican, he fell just 40k votes short of winning the mayor seat in one of the most Democratic cities in the US. He lost to the eventual mayor, Harold Washington.

Harold was black while Bernie was white. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I only supported Bernie cuz he was white.

Granted, I was too young at that time to vote, and I didn't even live in Chicago (like that stops Chicago voters), but that was wrong. So wrong of me. I got a couple "Epton for Mayor" stickers and wore them "proudly". As I look back, they were just labels of my ignorance. While I grew up very quickly and stopped seeing colors and started seeing people, I still have to remember that I thought so shallow at a younger age. There are times even today I don't think enough and make hurtful choices. While God forgives me, my decisions hurt those that He loves as well. And reconciling with them isn't so easy.

I have to remember that not only is God at work with me, I need to be at work with Him.

Fail.

Yes - that reads just like it reads. Fail.

F-A-I-L

As in I failed last week in honoring my commitment to God on the first day of the week with my first fruits. Heck - I didn't even Cain it last weekend. Nothing. Totally nothing.

The previous week or so, I made some major calculation error on the budget (mostly in my head). Next thing I knew, our bank account... well, it had a decent money number. It's just that there was a dash at the front of said number (and all the digits were red). When I received my pay last Friday, there were other important places that the little we had left had to go. So I had to make an executive decision, and that was to not write out our check this pay period. And I felt (and feel now even typing this) a little shamed. No one to blame but myself.

So I am now in debt to God. I hope his creditors don't call all hours of the night.


(And yes - I TOTALLY see the irony that I said "other important places" and not referring to God. What else could be important, huh?)

Open Sesame???

Alright. So we have been consistently honoring God with 5% at first, currently at 7% (with a 10% thrown in one week being wacky), and it's been rough. No lies there. Bills still aren't great, but they are getting paid. Making some financial mistakes, but that stupidity, and that's not really His fault. We have food and clothing and entertainment. We have been faithful, trusting we will not be forgotten and that our sacrifice will come back with abundance. It's been pretty easy for Kath - not so simple for me, but I am surviving (and still thinking I should dive after the bag once in a while).

It's possible, though, that first "return" may be a-coming.

For those that know, and those that don't, my wife has Parkinson's disease. Diagnosed about 9 years ago. Started as a tremor in her left hand and has slowly progressed through her body. Medications help (somewhat), but her "ON" times are less and less, she only works part time, and even that is a struggle. To be blunt - she hates this d**m disease.

Well, a couple weeks back, she caught this little report before heading out to work. She had me pull it up and I watched it. Mr. Optimist Me (insert sarcasm here) mentioned that the end of the video said it was a while off because the doc needed to write up his findings, apply for clinical trials, blah-blah-blah. And for those that wonder - Kath NEVER listens to me. For those that wonder - not listening makes her the smartest person in the world - and not just in this case. She actually called the doctor's office about this report and they took her information down for future callback about the testing of this possible treatment. Kath just told me today that she was called back and she's in. Testing hopefully starts next month.

So I will keep you all posted.

Way to go!!!!

I had a couple friends hear about my commitment and they wanted to high five me!




Ok....not really. :)

I gotta tell ya...

Last week I messed up. Ya see, the last two digits of my social security number is 65 (find the other 7 and you can exploit my credit. Good luck with that - my credit, not finding out my numbers). So with those digits, we received our stimulus check back on the 9th. Finally - those kids are paying off for us! :) However, on the 11th, guess which blog writer that you are currently reading forgot his checkbook?

As they say in sports "tomorrow is another day". Well, for honoring God, there is always a next Sunday, which by an amazing feat happened to arrive today. That's incredible! Also helps that your wife states "don't forget the checkbook". You almost can't botch it up. Almost.......

So we take in the stimulus check, my wife's paycheck and my own and it ends up being a heck of a giving. And one of the less painful ones as well.

Let me, here and now, mention that I married way over my skis. I got a woman that really cares and loves me and our kids, works her tail off when it is so very difficult for her, takes care of the house, keeps us organized and has a passion for God. She's the punk that lit our bottle rocket in religion. She completely busted her tushie last month and pulled in an amazing paycheck. Kath works in a school, but she doesn't work for the school. She's contract, which means that she earns when she works and makes nothing if she calls in sick. I'm not sure if she had extra work the past month or what, but that extra pay gives me a very relaxed feeling.

Yet, that same extra pay gives me the jibblies. With Kath being contract, and school not being a 12 month thing, we have 3 months to survive on my bi-weekly income alone. I really don't want her to work (for a number of reasons), so I am hoping to find a way to supplement my income so I can continue my promise to God.

What percent this week?

Take a guess:



Fears this week - need tires for my car and we are behind on a couple bills, so I had to step back from the 10% of last week. I wanted to have some progress, though. Lucky 7, right?